Whole Again: Healing Your Heart and Rediscovering Your True Self After Toxic Relationships and Emotional Abuse
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codependents stay in toxic relationships for far longer than any other person would. Your intuition is actually really good—the problem is, you doubt it. You’re so preoccupied with trying to make sure you’re reasonable and seeing all perspectives that you fail to throw in the towel when people are blatantly mistreating you. Oftentimes you notice something seems “off” for the longest time, but you feel guilty and dismiss it because the person is nice to you, or because they aren’t rejecting you.” The source told the publication: “She’s been working on it for over a year – that’s a long time, but there been a lot to cover. If you feel like you can’t squeeze the whole book into three sentences, consider using the Feynman Technique.
Whole Again by Jackson MacKenzie: 9780143133315 Whole Again by Jackson MacKenzie: 9780143133315
Avery Neal, MA, LPC, author of If He's So Great, Why Do I Feel So Bad?: Recognizing and Overcoming Subtle AbuseSardinia, 2006. Ellie’s granddaughter Sara is sent by her company to Cagliari. On a night out, she meets Luca, an archaeologist and professor. Their love affair mirrors that of her grandmother and Gino’s from over forty years before. Of course, not every book is a practical, how-to guide that you can apply immediately, and that’s fine. You can find wisdom in many different books. But I do find that I’m more likely to remember books that are relevant to my daily life. 3. Create Searchable Notes One of the few books I’ve read that digs into the fact that the trauma continues for years after the toxic person is out of your life. Sometimes for a lifetime. That PTSD is not just from being in an actual war but this personal war you were in. It talks about how that level of trauma changes you. I know that far too intimately.
WHOLE Synonyms: 159 Similar and Opposite Words | Merriam WHOLE Synonyms: 159 Similar and Opposite Words | Merriam
This doesn’t happen on purpose, it’s just a coping mechanism when a trusted loved one rejects or harms us in a very confusing way. Even if we point our fingers and say, “No, you’re bad!” the damage is already done. The core belief lives inside of us, and no matter how many people tell us we’re good, we don’t believe it.Carl Jung wrote: “The foundation of all mental illness is the unwillingness to experience legitimate suffering.”
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I’d like to finish by returning to an idea I mentioned near the beginning of this article: read the great books twice. The philosopher Karl Popper explained the benefits nicely, “Anything worth reading is not only worth reading twice, but worth reading again and again. If a book is worthwhile, then you will always be able to make new discoveries in it and find things in it that you didn’t notice before, even though you have read it many times.” When we stay with shame, we are learning how to tolerate pain. The more we can do this, the more our bodies will reveal their truth to us. Instead of instinctually avoiding pain, we can meet it with kindness and curiosity. We can ask it questions and learn about it, without being consumed by it.” But he also found that it is possible to work through these symptoms and find fulfillment and love on the other side. In Whole Again, he shares insights and tools for working through the protective self we’ve developed, so that we can finally move on to live a full and authentic life–to once again feel light, free, whole, and ready to give and receive love.As I read Mastery by George Leonard, I realized that while this book was about the process of improvement, it also shed some light on the connection between genetics and performance. Now here's where it goes downhill. As good as it is with describing these problems, thoughts, and feelings, it fails to actually teach you how to properly heal these traumatic wounds and become "whole again." It over simplifies the process by repeatedly telling you that you just need to meditate and really just sit with your horrible feelings, accept them, accept that its not your fault, and it just goes away and you're whole again after years of doing this. It's not even about my own history. It's just ... ugh. Imagine telling someone who has lost their entire family in an accident, or whose children were killed by an abusive ex, or who watched a parent die at the hands of another parent, that the point of their 'healing journey' should be a 'light tingling feeling' in their hearts or they're wasting their lives. (Which he issues as a blanket proclamation early in the book.) It's just self-absorbed and heartless.