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Turn their defiant behavior around using my neuro-scientific strategies designed for every age and lead with confidence and strength. If even time outs are verboten, what's a parent to do? We spoke with Lapointe about a science-based approach to discipline.
The foundation of a healthy, effective approach to discipline that respects your child’s developmental needs… and works!Dr. Lapointe has given parents, family members and the professionals who work with them a wonderful gift. Discipline without Damage should be required reading for us all. Written from a deep pool of experience and knowledge, this practical book helps us understand what children need to thrive.” Disciplining Without Damage is not about trying to remain calm 24/7 or denying the range of emotions you experience. It's about moving towards positive leadership and gaining the right tools to become an empowered parent who is in control without being controlling.
Praise is an awesome motivator and comforter. Who doesn't love praise? I am a big advocate for praise and encouragement. However, too much praise can be harmful. Learn how too much praise can harm a child's self-esteem and how to strike a balance between encouraging your child and allowing them room to grow. This book is not well written. In places, it is exceptionally irritating and even embarrassing to read. For example, there is a very long section (most of chapter four) where the author seems to think that she is talking about something other than her slightly creepy schoolgirl crush on the guy who runs her gym, but she isn't. It's so awkward.Learn how to calm your child down and what to do if they refuse to listen to you. Discover the hidden messages behind what your child's behavior is REALLY communicating. How to manage a strong-tempered child and more. My major complaint - and it is major - is that TWICE in the book the author states that holding on to "a little" parental guilt is a good thing because this guilt will motivate you to push yourself to be the best parent you can be. The reality: Compassionate responding and mindful parenting does not mean “Disneyland-party-time-no-rules-no-boundaries-no-expectations.” It just means the implementation of rules, boundaries and expectations with compassion. Hold the line. Of course hold the line. Children today are desperate for someone to be in charge. But for goodness sake be kind. See (2) above RE: brain development. And see (3) above RE: connection-based power. And then deal with this like the adult you are. Put the boundary in place. Regulate your child over any upset they might have as a result of that through kindness and compassion. Help your child get started on cleaning up the walls, support them in this work if they are little, or get it cleaned up yourself if they are too small yet to be part of this. And then move on. They didn’t color on your walls to spite you (unless you have created this kind of relationship with them – in which case, it is on you to fix that up like yesterday). They did it because it looked cool and their brain wasn’t able to hold onto “but maybe this was a bad idea” alongside “wow this looks super cool” and actually implement some impulse control around the wall-coloring. See (1) above regarding development of pre-frontal cortex.
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